By Luke Davies
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I had no idea of anything that could be wrong; there was no specific sickness I knew of. But the mind of a sixteenyear-old is infinite in its potential for self-pity. It was not consciousness of my mother as a separate being that I felt, but rather sorrow for myself. The train passed through endless fields, but even agriculture seemed part of the overladen, the rather irrelevant, weight of existence. Tractors trundled distantly, dragging behind them I WAS UNSADDLING 38 God of Speed TEXT PAGES 3/3/08 9:31 AM Page 39 God of Speed splayed plumes of dust, which appeared almost static in the flat midday light.
25 God of Speed TEXT PAGES 3/3/08 9:31 AM Page 26 L U K E D AV I E S Now, so many decades later, I like the flooding again, that sense of being liquid inside all this dryness, which is only apparent dryness, of course. The way Empirin glides, and flows. The way at times, after an injection, I could swear not that I am in but that I have in fact become a stream, rippling over the pebbles as I flow. Or the way Valium dulls the roaring of the sky, and makes the vultures pigeons. 26 God of Speed TEXT PAGES 3/3/08 9:31 AM Page 27 HOW EACH THING FITS IT DOESN’T TAKE focus to be born into wealth.
Sounds looped into that hollow space as if from another reality. I felt that every other boy in Houston was fast asleep, while I was exploring not only the cosmos but the beaker in which it was fused. I talked to ships from Ecuador and France. My name is Howard Hughes. I am eleven years old. I live on Yoakum Boulevard in Houston. Where are you going? What are you carrying? How many crew? It’s funny how at night I could feel myself to be entirely weightless. But every morning I felt pressed in by the world of things.